I love them. I used to eat a box of these things every week, sometimes two, back in middle school. It was a co-worker's birthday the other day, so I bought her a big bag of Peanut Butter M&M's (another favorite) and picked up some Gobstoppers for myself while I was at it. Haven't finished the box yet, which is a big deal, considering it's been like three days. It's a big box. But they're one of my favorite candy-type things.

I think I'm needing Sunday more and more every week. I need the Church in my life, I really do. Even if I don't particularly enjoy what's said in sacrament meeting or in lessons or whatever, I really need a place I know I can go to feel the Spirit and feel better about myself. I was talking to a friend today about how rarely she goes to church, mostly because her (idiot) boyfriend doesn't go with her (she says it's due to his work schedule -- I just think he's a wanker). But just attending church isn't everything, I suppose. A bunch of people on a message board I frequent mentioned that, especially around here, church attendance does not necessarily correspond to the moral quality of the person. I can see how that's possible, but it certainly can't hurt.

I was feeling a little blown-off recently by some of my friends. I realize that not everybody can spare time for me all the time, and that not everybody wants to have big serious conversations where I can give them my amateur counselling services. But it would be nice to talk to somebody and have them actually turn and face me while I'm doing so. More and more I'm realizing that there's a lot of people who only want to talk to me when their lives are stressful or complicated or whatever, just because I'm a good listener. But when I turn around and want to talk about similar occurrences in my own life, they aren't nearly so interested in being friendly. Fortunately, I did talk to a couple of people tonight who don't act like that. (Although, would it kill you to call ME once in a while, Les?)

I had a good time on a date last night (yes, I actually went on a date, it's been a while, so back off). I don't know how she felt about things, but I enjoyed myself, I thought we had good conversation, and we got to know a bit more about each other. We saw Pirates 2 (review coming on that in a minute) and had dinner before that -- she was a bit rushed because of a hair appointment right before I picked her up (although it was worth the wait -- her hair looked really good). Don't know what will happen there, but I don't really think I need to know. It was fun, we enjoyed ourselves; I think that's good enough for now.

It did get me to thinking, though, about how difficult it is for a guy when the time comes to decide about a second date or not. To a great extent, the guy holds all the cards on the first date. He chooses who he will ask out (despite the feminist girl-power movement, girls around here flat refuse to ask guys on dates themselves), he chooses what they will do and how intimate or serious (or not) it will be, etc. And the guy can be pretty sure that the girl will agree to go, even if it's just to be polite (or for the free dinner/movie/whatever). On the other hand, many girls have often complained to me that they sit at home on weekends because nobody will ask them out. And they have a point. I personally think most girls hereabouts really don't show a whole lot of interest and force the guys to do all the guesswork themselves, but I see their point of view.

However, the whole dynamic changes when considering the second date. Now the ball is completely in the girl's court. She can do any number of things when the guy asks her out again. There's the "I don't want to hurt your feelings, so I'll make up an excuse" option. There's the "I'm not really interested, but another fun evening for free? Why not?" option. There's the "I don't know how I feel so we'll just try it again" option. And many others. The girl can decide the date, the time, just about anything. And it really makes the guy vulnerable. At least, it makes me feel vulnerable. It's really going out on a limb when you ask a girl out on a second date not knowing how she's feeling. I've been rejected pretty coldly in the past on such occasions. My viewpoint is, if I liked her enough to ask her out once, barring a catastrophe on the first date, I'm probably going to ask her out again. But a lot of girls accept a first date knowing full well that there is no chance for a second. And that's sort of frustrating.

I'm not really blaming anyone. It's just a difficult game to play. I don't like the position it puts me in. Nobody likes feeling as if something's out of their control, I suppose.

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