Relief


Operation: Save the Grades is over, and I hope it was a success. I worked my tail off this week, writing a pair of extensive papers, putting together a portfolio of all my articles for the Daily Universe this semester (26 in all!) and doing a few front-page layouts for work mixed in. I hate how everything comes to a head the final week of the semester -- you'd think they'd be able to work things out so it's not so compressed and everything isn't due the same day. I know that's illogical but I still like complaining about it.

Anyway, so I finished all of that, and now all I have to do is take a Doctrine and Covenants final tomorrow, and then wait to take my media law final next Thursday. (It's being given in class, so I can't take it any earlier than then, which is annoying.) So today I'm being epically lazy. I slept in till 11 (except for a brief interruption at 9 this morning when a girl decided to bug me about when the hockey game was tonight) and have done nothing constructive since except put in a load of laundry, and that's only because I can't take a shower until I have some clean underwear to put on. I have no idea what I'm going to do tonight, or tomorrow. And that's beautiful.

I missed last night's ward Christmas party because of work. Not that I was dead-set on going, although it would have been cool -- it was held at a big resort-type cabin up Hobble Creek Canyon in Springville. Apparently my bishop has connections (he IS ridiculously wealthy). There's an indoor sports court, pool, huge movie watching room, the works. So I missed out on that, unfortunately. I missed it last year, too, for work I think. Oh well. I'm sure no one in my ward missed me. I did have a good time last weekend going up to Temple Square with my home teachees. They're some of my best (read: only) friends in the ward. Except for my roommate. He bugs. At least I won't have that problem when I move home.

Because I'm pretty much set on leaving this ward when I do. It's the "right" thing to do, anyway -- you're supposed to go to the ward you belong to geographically, and goodness knows I don't have a lot of reason to stay. I'm looking forward to meeting new people.

The same girl who woke me up this morning just had a long conversation with me about how frustrated she is with the guy she's dating. He's basically taking advantage of her by claiming that he only wants an "open" relationship because he was in a serious relationship not too long ago and doesn't want to jump into another one. That sounds legitimate on the surface, but guys have been using that excuse to avoid commitment since the beginning of time. Anyway, this girl is just an absolute flake. She's pretty, but she damn well knows it, and she has some serious pride issues, not wanting to "settle" for guys she considers beneath her in the looks department. Then she comes crying to me when the guys she goes after treat her badly, not understanding that by not "settling" physically she's setting herself up for whatever she gets emotionally.

Then she had the nerve to complain about Provo guys and how they only want to go on first dates and "there's always some other hot chick." I told her pretty bluntly that she should be the last person to whine about that when all she's interested in is looks, and that she wouldn't have that problem if she weren't so full of herself. She got offended, and maybe rightfully so, but I found it very ironic that she would complain about the very thing that she does to other guys who are interested in her, whom she dismisses out of hand because they're not attractive enough for her.

Wrong as she was, she makes a decent point about the BYU/Provo dating scene. Because there's such a vast quantity of eligible single people in the valley, everyone is convinced that they could "do better." Few people, especially the younger variety, and in my point of view especially girls, want to get right into a relationship for fear that they will shut off other possibilities, some of which might be better than what they've got. I've probably been guilty of that myself at some point. I suppose it's natural to think that way, with so many single people around. But it's frustrating to me, who's had nobody interested in him all semester, and yet has had to live with roommates who perpetuate this attitude.

I think I'm just getting older as the atmosphere around me seems to stay the same. On Sunday I'll be 23. I'm two years older than most of the girls in the ward, and more like four years older in some cases. I don't feel all that different myself, but the older I get, the more I seem to notice a contrast between myself and the world and culture and people around me. So I suppose I am growing up. It just feels like everyone else isn't.

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live
Not stopping

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regret

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

"23," by Jimmy Eat World