Putting the band back together

So, I played a little teeny-tiny gig with my old guitarist Clark on Friday. I only played on two songs, but it was a lot of fun. I really miss the old days when we would jam all the time.

Except, we never really jammed ALL the time. I only played three or four shows with Clark and my drummer/brother Dave. I'm not sure they know how much I've listened to the stuff they recorded, though. I really think it's good stuff, and I love playing it.

I love playing live in general. It doesn't really matter how crappy the bands have been that I've played with, or how many people are watching, or anything like that -- every gig is an absolute joy. I suppose it's because of my inner love for showing off. Music is one of the few things that I do really well, and it's also one thing that has no other factors involved -- either you sound good or you don't, and if you do, it doesn't matter that you're chubby or short or not particularly confident. As long as you can rock, none of that seems to matter. When I'm on stage, I forget that it matters, too. I like that.

Anyway, the point is, Clark texted me today to say that he finally convinced Dave to try and throw together a show during the week that he and his wife will be in town (they're stopping over en route to Dave's internship in San Francisco). Dave has become less and less enamored of the rockstar lifestyle as he's gotten older, while Clark and I would still like to play at any given opportunity. This is probably because Dave's more mature than either of us, and married to boot. Anyway, given that, it was a major coup for Clark to get Dave to agree to a gig.

Now we just have to track down: 1) a drumset, 2) a bass amp for me, 3) a venue. Clark has always been good at rustling up random places to play, like apartment buildings or local cafes and such. But I'd really like to play one of the proper venues in Provo, like Velour or Starry Night. (I know the guy who runs Starry Night, so that is definitely a possibility.) I'm not sure Dave's up to a full rock-show atmosphere like that. In fact, I'm almost sure he isn't. But I'd really like to experience that while he's in town.

I didn't realize how much I liked having Dave and Jess around until they left. I didn't even hang out with them that much when they were here -- just once a week, sometimes less. But now that they're gone, I really wish I had spent more time with them, and could talk to them more easily now. The time difference makes things a bit difficult, and I'm not a big phone person at the best of times. I sure could have used closer contact with them in relation to recent events in my life. I suppose that's part of life, though -- you grow up and you find other people to confide in, or you just learn to deal. Probably more of the former than the latter as I get older.

My friend Logan came to my mini-gig on Friday, mostly so he could use my laptop to burn a mix for his yoga workouts. He left the tracks he burned in on my computer. I have since listened to that mix about six times. Logan's a total space-case sometimes. Okay, usually. But that mix is way relaxing. It's mostly very chill electronica/techno (Moby, Crystal Method, Chemical Brothers, etc), which I'm growing to like more and more. It's just funny how I totally expected to delete all those tracks off my computer after he burned his CD, but now I'm really glad he left them there.

I had an interesting conversation with my supervisor at the newspaper today. She offered me the position of copy chief at the Daily Universe (a position I knew was mine anyway because the two copy editors above me are both graduating, but it was nice to be formally offered it). And we talked for a while about my career goals in general, and how to use this job to further them. It's sort of strange to think about such things. I don't have really solid career goals. I mean, I have a general idea -- I want to write, and I want to be involved with print publications if possible. But that's pretty broad, and the more things I do, the more I find an interest in all of them. I used to want to write sports for a newspaper for the rest of my life. I'd still be very happy doing that. But I'm not the go-getter, hardcore, investigative journalist type. I love doing interviews and analyzing sports, but tracking down the hard facts of a story, especially in the face of negative opposition, is sort of unappealing to me. I also really enjoy my copy desk job, and working on the design side of things. Except I think I lack the raw artistic ability necessary for such a position, and I think I'd be outpaced in a competitive career setting. I could also try to pursue more of the media relations side of things, and find my niche in the sports world as a spokesperson or media relations agent for a professional team. That sounds pretty good, but I haven't tried it yet. I'd like to land an internship in that regard to test it out and see if I could handle it.

I suppose my problem is that my interests are too broad, and I find in myself an aptitude for many things but not a real strength. I sort of feel like I would do okay in just about anything I try, but I'd never be good enough to be the best in anything. And that doesn't bother me a whole lot, but it does make me worry that I won't be able to provide for a family (assuming I ever get one of my own, and considering recent events, that's no guarantee at all). Besides, those who really want to excel will do so at the cost of family and church and other interests. I am always surprised at people who say they want to be the absolute best in their field, because of the time and effort that will take. Money and fame and importance and prestige don't matter to me at all. I'm not sure yet if that's a good thing, to have such an utter lack of ambition. But that's how I've always been -- I reach the point of "good enough" where I'm comfortable and people like me and I make no extra effort to push beyond. Guess I'm destined to be a big fish in a little pond.

This whole post was made in an effort to avoid doing my English paper. It's supposed to be 12-15 pages long. I have done about two pages. A rough draft was due Monday. I will probably not have even that done until Friday. There are a few reasons for this. One, I'm a chronic slacker. The skill with which I waste time is truly epic. Two, I loathe that class more than just about anything (off the top of my head, broccoli and hypodermic needles are about the only things I hate more). This is because my teacher is a 70-year-old single woman who basically married herself to her studies, and treats us like we're fourth-graders. I have not learned a single thing in that class. Not one. And I've turned in reams of busy work, and haven't improved in the slightest in my writing ability. I'm not even any better at researching -- I learned a lot more in my comms research class last semester.

I find that, if I have no motivation to do things, it's almost impossible for me to do them. Moreover, if the person asking me to do something doesn't emphasize it or treats it lightly, I am far more likely to do the same (translation: blow it off). Several times this semester my English teacher has had us turn in assignments without barely a passing comment about what they entailed, then assign seemingly arbitrary point values to each of them. She'll talk about one assignment for weeks and make it worth twenty points, then barely mention a 100-point assignment that takes far less effort. Bah. I hate that class. She's getting some nasty student feedback from me.

I suppose it's mostly my fault, though. I shouldn't even be taking that class. At BYU, there are multiple ways to fulfill the advanced writing GE requirement. As a communications major, I had many more options that I realized. I am currently taking English 315 -- writing in the social sciences. Same class that psychology or political science majors would take. I could have been taking persuasive writing, or writing in the arts and humanities, or writing for publication. All of those would have been miles more appropriate. But I didn't research the matter, and my counselor told me 315 was the proper class. (See if I ever trust a school counselor again.) So I guess I really don't have anyone to blame but myself. And I'm sure if I had a better attitude the class would go better. . . yeah, not gonna happen.

Enough of this. I'm going to try to do my paper now. Which means I'm going to goof around online for a while longer before getting fed up and going to bed.

1 Response to Putting the band back together

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