she's a crafty lass.

(Hat tip to tonight's conversation with Andy.)

Women know. Women always know.

Except when they don't.

But they never let on.

It's this impossible, eternal struggle for control, for appearance, for impression, for power, for protection, for pretension, for fun, or for no reason at all. Nothing can be easy or simple or plain or uncomplicated. They want all these things from you, but refuse to ask, because they must be deciphered. They want to give you all these things, but refuse to offer, because they must be earned. They don't know what they want, but pretend they do exactly. Or vice versa. Depending on the weather. Or something equally arcane.

Then they flirt. Oh, how they flirt. And they're all so good at it! It took me years and years and days and nights and years, mistake after embarrassing mistake, to get near the planet that particular ballpark is on. They come fully equipped, OEM, all options standard, capable of making your head feel like it just went twelve rounds with a night on the couch after dinner and a Woody Allen movie that you eventually ignore so you can find out for sure if her lips are as soft and inviting as they look. Except that's all in your head and they put it there without putting it there. It's not their fault. It totally is. And they know it/won't admit knowing it.

And if all else fails, they can be emotional, or irrational, or downright mean. And you can't be emotional back, because that's weakness. You can't be irrational, because that's unfair. And you can never be downright mean.

Because that just makes you a guy.

4 Response to she's a crafty lass.

  1. Eliza says:

    It sounds like you still have no idea what women are like. :)

  2. Andy says:

    You've got your terminology wrong. When you say that makes you a "man," I think that what you mean is that makes you a "guy."

    And if we've learned anything from Say Anything (the movie, not that shitty band), it's "Don't be a 'guy.' The world is full of 'guys.' Be a man."

    Also: you need to hang out with better women. You're clearly being exposed to a harsh minority.

  3. Shums says:

    can't believe I screwed up that terminology, Andy. Fixed. I am ashamed.

    And if this sounded super negative, it wasn't intended to be. Not aimed at any one girl at all. More just a statement that, where women are concerned, all bets are off. (I did steal your circumstances last night, of course.)

  4. Drew says:

    If you flaunt it, she will come.

    I think that was in a movie once, wasn't it?