For some reason I suddenly really miss my high school friends. Or maybe I just miss my high school self. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I miss the hopefulness that high school afforded me. Maybe I miss the wide-open opportunity that lay before me then, and has since faded like the songs I sometimes dream I am playing and cannot recreate upon waking.

I don't think I really have any regrets. I think that's because in order to regret something you have to have actually done something. And everything I've done in the intervening years has simply been presented to me, brought before me where I only needed to expend the smallest amount of energy to actualize it. Room service rather than take-out, delivery rather than pick-up. (Or, even, cooking from scratch. But those who know me know that's just nonsense.)

I combine regret, despair, hope and optimism in perfect measure. I'd make an analogy to a precisely mixed alcoholic beverage, produced by a veteran barman who's old enough to forgo the stupid bottle tricks and young enough to still be touched by the conversations of the young lovers and would-be lovers he overhears. Except that such an analogy would be patently ridiculous coming from one such as I, with no first-hand knowledge of such things. I think I just made the analogy anyway. Being ridiculous has never been a problem for me before, I guess.

So it's not that easy to live with myself sometimes. I'm not always a very pleasant house-guest. I'd rather be living with you, I suppose.

I still hope it works out for us, you know.

(by the way, if anyone is reading this, I love you and will probably put you in my blogroll when I get around to making a blogroll on here. I think I'm going to write more weird late-night missives like this. Then again, I probably won't do any of that stuff I just said. Except I still love you. That part was for real.)

5 Response to spaces.

  1. Lindsey says:

    Funny timing. Last night I went through and started looking for people on facebook who I knew in high school. It was a totally reminiscent moment for me. I don't really miss high school... but I think I am nostalgic about it. Anyway, good post, friend :)

  2. Eliza says:

    I'm so happy you finally blogged! I'm sorry you miss high school, I don't. But there are some people I miss from high school. Hope you're doing well.

  3. Andy says:

    Write more, dude. Like, now.

  4. belly says:

    Yup, exactly. Also, I second Andy.

  5. Shums says:

    For the record, I don't really miss high school itself. More the people and the sense of being young. Younger, anyway. Thanks for the comments, friends.